


Paradise, Lost. Almost.

by agent_mordred



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Feels galore, Fluff, Hartwin, Hurt, I WILL FIX THIS I PROMISE, M/M, Merwin-ish, NSFW, Post V-Day, Smut, This is fucking sick, hartwin is endgame, mentions of Michelle and Daisy - but not really tho, ok guys this is the start of something omg, why am i like this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 13:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10663494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_mordred/pseuds/agent_mordred
Summary: When Harry wakes up the next morning, it’s 10am. He will be at the Shop very much too late. He takes a look next to him and spots Eggsy’s back. For what feels like an eternity, he admires the boy’s skin and moles. Then, suddenly and out of fucking nowhere, reality hits him again.All the mess with Merlin and the pain comes back.





	Paradise, Lost. Almost.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so - this is the first thing for me to publish ever and I'm nervous af.  
> Big big thanks to [notbrogues](http://notbrogues.tumblr.com) for listening to my crazy ideas. And also, thanks to [eggmuffin](https://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com) for staying with me during the Quest for the Title (TM).  
> This is not really beta'd and English is not my first language (what I'm tryin' to say here: sorry for the bloody mistakes)  
> I hope y'all enjoy this.

Harry is quite surprised to meet Eggsy at the Shop. As far as he could remember the boy was set up for a mission yesterday.  
  
“Uhm, yeah - I was ‘bout to go but then Rox went, so…”  
“I see. Well,…”, Harry clears his throat.  
“See, Harry, uhm - this is a bit awkward but - I mean, c'mon we have feelings for each other. Like, I know this is all  **still a mess**  but - can we… What I mean is… Would ya have dinner wiv me? I can understand if ya don’t wanna ‘cause of all this, but I thought I give it a g-”  
“Are you asking me out on a date, Eggsy?”  
“Errrr. I guess - I mean, yes. Yes, I am.”, Eggsy hesitates.  
“Ya see - ya don’t hafta say yes, ok - I was just… jus’ askin’, ya kno–”  
“Yes.”  
“Yes? Yes, what?”  
“The answer to your question is  _yes_.”  
Eggsy looks at Harry, wide-eyed.  
“I want to go out with you.”  
”Yes? Yes! Right, uhm - okay, great!”  
A few minutes of silence pass. Then Eggsy adds,  
“What ‘bout the nice little place ya told me ‘bout before V-Da–…Uhm. Ya know what place I’m talking bout?”  
“Yes, I know. Good choice, I’d say. When?”  
“What ‘bout tonight? Seven? Imma pick ya up at Stanhope an’ we walk there?”  
A slight smile flashes over Harry’s lips.  
He looks onto the floor, sheepishly,  
“Good. I’m looking forward.”  
The grin on Eggsy’s face was blinding.  
“Great, me too.”

* * *

They went for dinner and the evening was breathtaking. It felt as if  **nothing apart from the two of them existed**. They talked, laughed - hardly a bad or sad thing said. Harry told Eggsy stories from his youth days and how he loved the Sex Pistols and he even had an earring. Eggsy, on the other hand, talked about Daisy and how happy he is now his mum and Dais’ got away from Dean. All in all it was very, very lovely.  
  
They make their way back to -  _back to where, actually?_  
When they arrive at Stanhope Mews, an electrifying tension fills the air between them. Not in a bad way though. They’re nervous, almost like teenagers. All the  **bad thoughts**  seemed  **erased**  from their heads. At least for now.  
  
“Well, Imma be on my way home then..”  
“Yes.”  
The young man doesn’t move though. Their looks are focused on each other, in complete silence.  
Until Eggsy clears his throat.  
“Yeah, uhm.. I enjoyed the evening very, very much, Harry.”  
“Me too, Eggsy.”  
“Good night then–”  
Harry cuts him off,  
“Do you want to come in? I mean, you don’t have to, obviously - I just thought, well, it occured to me, maybe a sun-downer would be nice. Even if the sun’s already down, but…”  
Eggsy chuckles like a teenaged boy.  
“I’d quite love to come in, Harry.”  
“Right! Okay. Good. Let me just–“, he searches his coat pockets for his keys,”– get my keys.“  
When they arrive inside, Eggsy remembers the place very well. He lived there for what felt like an eternity.  _Why did he actually move out again?_  
"May I?”, he can hear Harry’s voice.  
“Oh, ya don’t hafta-”, Harry takes off Eggsy’s coat - his hands brushing the boy’s shoulders and their eyes meet.  
For another few moments they just look at each other.  
“Thank you”, Eggsy whispers - his voice suddenly almost gone.

  
After this intimate exchange of looks, Harry puts Eggsy’s coat away and they wander into the living room.  
“Eggsy - you know your way 'round - would you fetch us a drink while I light a fire?”   
Eggsy nods, “Scotch?”  
Harry returns a soft smile, “Of course.”   
They made themselves comfortable on the settee - next to each other - and the night just continues to be as amazing as it started at the restaurant. Stories are told, laughter is shared until-   
While giggling about some dorky joke Harry made, the older man’s hand brushes over Eggsy’s thigh. Accidentally, in fact, because Harry was just wildy gesturing. Their laughter fades and Eggsy stares at where Harry’s hand stopped to move. Almost paralyzed, their eyes meet yet again.  
“Harry…”  
Harry doesn’t move.  
“Eggsy?”  
Their voices are low - accompanied by the rustling of the flames in the fireplace. Eggsy slightly parts his lips, as if he is about to say something - however, he doesn’t and instead bites his lower lip. That’s the moment Harry knows, he’s done for.  
“Eggsy, I-”  
“You?”   
Their breathing gets heavier.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Wha’ for?”  
Harry leans in, his hands cupping the boy’s cheeks, and kisses Eggsy - softly, gently, but passionate. As their lips part for a moment, Harry ads,  
“For this.”  
Eggsy looks at Harry, his pupils growing wider.  
“Why on earth would ya be sorry for that?”  
Before Harry can answer, Eggsy presses their lips together again - wilder, dirtier, but still gently. His hands rest on Harry’s waist - quite an uncomfortable position for both of them.  
Harry pulls away and gets up from the settee. Without saying a word, he reaches out his hand for Eggsy to take it. The young man takes Harry’s hand and lets himself be lead upstairs to the master bedroom. Another room he knows far too well. He remembers the scent of Harry’s bedsheets, of his red robe…   
Both men sit down on the edge of the bed. Harry places his hand on the back of Eggsy’s neck and pulls him in again - Eggsy lies back, Harry bends over him. Slowly but determined, Eggsy’s hands fumble at the buttons of Harry’s shirt, open them slowly, reach Harry’s belt buckle and open it as well. He peels the shirt off Harry’s fit upper body and throws it across the room. Harry doesn’t seem to care as he’s nuzzling Eggsy’s neck; kissing it, licking at Eggsy’s earlobe and receiving a soft moan from the boy in return. Harry pulls away, but just to take off Eggsy’s t-shirt and admiring the boy’s chest and abs. He leans down to caress the young agent’s skin; to worship it with his mouth and tongue. Everything happens slowly and drawn out.  
Harry thinks to himself (if he is able to think at all), that these are  **precious moments** , that they might never come again and he wants to drown in them, he wants to indulge in them.  
By the time they are fully undressed, both men are achingly hard. But neither of them feels the need to rush things, - maybe Eggsy just thinks the same as Harry - they explore their bodies with their hands, tongues and lips - hug each other, kiss each other. The light is dim and only their pants and heavy breathing can be heard.  
“Do you want me to go on?”, Harry breathes while burying his face between the boy’s shoulder blades.  
Eggsy tries to collect himself - it feels as if he was dreaming and coming back to reality now. He opens his eyes slightly and looks over his shoulder only to see Harry’s dark brown curls - now very undone.  
“Yes, Harry. Go on,  _please_ ”, he whispers back.   
Not in a needy way. Just because that is  **all he ever wanted**.  
Harry raises his head and places kisses on the back of Eggsy’s neck. His hand is running down the boy’s side until it reaches his arse cheek, squeezing it. A short “ _ugh, God_ ” escapes Eggsy’s lips.  
“Hold on”, Harry says quietly and turns around to fetch the lube from the night stand drawer. He covers his fingers with the oily liquid and lies down again, starting to rub his thumb at Eggsy’s rim.

* * *

“Fuck, Harry, nnngghhhhh”, the boy moans.  
Spooning, Harry touches  **his boy** from behind while nipping at his shoulder. Slowly, he plugs his finger into Eggsy’s hole, letting the boy adjust for a second. A string of curses can be heard from the younger man; somewhere in between there’s a mention of Harry’s name.  
  
Harry teases Eggsy a bit until the boy can fit three of his fingers.  
“Harry?”  
“Hm?”  
“Can ya put ya dick in? I need to feel you inside me.”  
Harry chuckles - in a deep and rich tone, very satisfied. He pulls out his fingers and kisses the boy’s neck. Eggsy turns slightly, looking for Harry’s mouth to kiss. They share a long, tender kiss while the older man fumbles at Eggsy’s nipples. When their lips part, Harry’s hand wanders down again, stroking his own cock a few times, covering it with the remaining lube on his fingers. Still in spooning position, Harry traces Eggsy’s rim with his dick.  
“Christ, 'Arry! Ughhh”, is all Eggsy can produce with his voice.  
With one thrust, Harry plugs his boner into Eggsy’s hole, making the boy scream with pleasure and grasping the sheets. It feels so fucking good. Eggsy has to hold back some tears - no, not because of the pain. But because he never imagined this to happen. Not after all the fucking mess they went through. And  **that mess still wasn’t over**. But it’s  **not relevant now**. For all Eggsy knows, he’s in Harry’s bed now. Harry’s touching him, gently, passionately, romantically. It is as if their souls meld into one.  
This may sound very trashy, but they share absolute intimacy. This is not only fucking like there’s no tomorrow. It’s not like it was, when Harry stumbled upon him and Merlin. Nothing like that. This is all Eggsy ever wanted. This is what he was hoping for since Day One. It’s about nearness, about security - some might even call it _**love**_. Harry isn’t fucking Eggsy at this very moment. He’s loving him. His thrusts are passionate and rough, but still a bit choppy.  
Harry can feel the same intimacy. It’s so different from all he’s been through - he might even admit, he’s a bit nervous. While pushing and pulling, he holds the young man tight. Not in a possessive way, even if he wanted that. But in a romantic, hugging way. He wants to hold his boy like this,  **for the rest of his fucking life**.  
Both men can feel their climaxes coming closer.  
“Eggsy, I- … might not be… able to… hol–”  
“Hold back?? Good, me neither, Haz”  
_Fuck did he just call me Haz?_  
Harry snaps his hips forwards, Eggsy meets the older man’s thrusts. They both come - almost at the same time - grunting, moaning and cursing, screaming each other’s names. After that, they stay that way - Harry, hugging Eggsy from behind, his face buried in the boy’s hair. Both men are panting, their hearts beat at top speed.

* * *

“Eggsy?”  
Eggsy turns around, now lying face to face to Harry. He puts his index and middle finger on Harry’s lips.  
“Ssshh. Ya don’t have ta say nothin’ now, Haz.”  
Harry’s look softens, his dark brown eyes focused on Eggsy.  
“Alright, I won’t”, Harry smiles.  
After a few moments of silence however, Eggsy raises his voice.  
“Ya don’t know what this means to me, do ya?”   
This takes Harry by surprise.  _Does he know?_  Well, he doesn’t dare to guess, but anyway,   
“Don’t I? Maybe it means as much to me as well.”   
Harry brushes his knuckles over the boy’s cheek.  
“Eggsy, I don’t mean to sound trivial but this - uhm -  _you_  are so, so very different from everything else I experienced.”  
Eggsy blushes.  
“Am I now?”  
Harry grins as he lays his arm to rest on Eggsy’s chest.  
“Well, maybe _you_ really don’t know what this means to me, dear boy.”  
Eggsy snorts, with a grin on his face, as he closes his eyes.  
“Thank you, Harry”, he can’t hold back his yawn.  
“Oh, but whatever for?”  
“For this evening; this night.”  
With those words, the boy falls asleep.  
Harry watches him for a few more minutes before he turns off the lights. He doesn’t fall asleep as fast as Eggsy though.

* * *

When Harry wakes up the next morning, it’s 10am. He will be at the Shop very much too late. He takes a look next to him and spots Eggsy’s back. For what feels like an eternity, he admires the boy’s skin and moles. Then, suddenly and out of fucking nowhere, reality hits him again.   
All the mess with Merlin and the pain comes back.  
_What if Eggsy just acted last night? Is this even possible? He wouldn’t, would he? Why did Merlin betray Harry in that way? What is this about? Is everyone losing their fucking minds? What if Eggsy wants Merlin? What if Eggsy only gave in last night because he wanted Harry to forgive him? He wouldn’t do that, now, would he?_  
Fuck. Harry feels  **miserable**. He wants Eggsy to decide. Him - or Merlin. He wants to hear it -  _needs_  to hear it. He wants Eggsy to be his dear boy. He would never talk him into this, of course. But he wants the truth.   
Harry gets up and out of bed - downstairs: breakfast; upstairs again: getting ready. He leaves a note a the kitchen table for Eggsy.  
He couldn’t wake him up. He feels bad about it, but he just couldn’t. It would have felt too domestic, _too good_ to see Eggsy waking up in the morning: messy hair and sleepy. Harry couldn’t bear the fact that Eggsy might not even want a relationship with him.  
_Maybe this was just a one night stand? But all the things Eggsy said last night - was that part of a game? What game?_  
_Oh Hart, for fuck’s sakes._  
And with that, Harry leaves for the Shop. 

* * *

Eggsy wakes up at high noon. Not knowing the time and still thinking Harry is lying next to him, he rolls over to the other side of the bed. But just to realise: Harry is gone. What felt safe and secure two seconds ago, now feels like a tragic movie:  _Harry is fucking gone????_  
Eggsy startles up, out of bed, looking for Harry all around the house. But he’s nowhere to be found.  **He really is gone**.  
In despair, Eggsy drags himself to the kitchen and finds Harry’s handwritten note:

 _“Dearest Eggsy,_  
_I am so terribly sorry for not waking you up and leaving without a word - apart from this scribbled note._  
_Yesterday was … breathtakingly beautiful. Do not think it wasn’t._  
_But I fear it means far too much to me, so I had to leave. I am still very confused about everything that happened. Seeing you in my bed, watching you sleep soundly, touching your skin- probably I’m overthinking and this is all in my head. Waking you up would have felt so domestic and so… wonderful - I couldn’t bear it. This might sound weird to you, but what if you decide to stay with Merlin? What if you walk away from me and leave me broken yet again? I cannot go through that pain once more, Eggsy. My dear, dear boy. You and what could be between us means… everything… to me and yet I am so insecure and confused._  
_And afraid. Afraid you might realise I am not the one you want._  
_Ever yours,_  
_Haz._ ”

When Eggsy finishes reading, tears are running down his cheeks. Harry really is  **in love with him**. And  _fuck_ , Eggsy feels the same way - he only needs to show Harry. Show him, that Merlin didn’t and doesn’t mean anything. Show him, that he wants to be with him, no matter what.   
“ _Yesterday was … breathtakingly beautiful_ ”, Eggsy repeats. God, yes it was. Eggsy wants this, and he wants it for the rest of his life.  
He needs to talk to Harry  _and_  Merlin.  
He needs to clear this up.

**Author's Note:**

> I will try and write more of this although I cannot say if this is happening any time soon since life is getting in the way big time.  
> Also, you can track me down on [tumblr](https://becool--mallory.tumblr.com).  
> (pssst: have a look at the [mood-board](https://becool--mallory.tumblr.com/post/159616802185/this-is-a-mess-dearest-eggsy-i-am-so-terribly) I made for Harry's note)  
> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
